Thursday, February 11, 2010
Paralyzed. Pt. 2
The more I thought about the quote by C.S. Lewis (see quote below), the more I couldn't stop thinking about it. In my car, I thought about it. Behind my desk at work, I thought about it. In Walgreens, I thought about it. At lunch with Becky, I thought about it. 5 o'clock rolled around, and I thought about it again. Suddenly, it dawned on me--fear pervades much of my life. In fact, every facet of my life has some root in fear.
So what, we're all scared, right? I alleviate my troubles by telling myself," It's alright, Liz. This is just that 'after college, you don't know what you want to do with your life, but you have a secure job, with a secure paycheck so don't make any irrational decisions' transition time." I do this. Typically, I feel better, but only for a short while. Other people may drown their fear in distractions--and sometimes these distractions manifest themselves in the form of addiction, significant others, and even stagnant complacency. I'm one of those "other people" sometimes too. Fascinating how God uses gracious mercy to reveal the most merciless qualities in us, isn't it? You see, I'm always distracting myself. I think society is always distracting itself.
The more I thought about distraction, the more I thought about unfulfilling distractions, which ultimately lead me to thinking about the unfulfilling distractions that make our fear seem obsolete (key word: seem)--distractions that deter us from feeling the fear we are consumed by deep within our hearts, souls, what have you. Again, however, we can only be distracted for a while-until we start feeling "that same way" again. Sadly enough, the process is cyclical. It's an "up, down, up, up, up, down, down, middle ground..." situation that we find ourselves desperately trying to stay afloat in.
In my life, I have many distractions. I realize that I allow these distractions to interject in my life because they prevent me from being scared. They prevent me from being afraid of the unknown, doubt, questions, loneliness, and inadequacy.
Of course, my faith is the underlying context here. More than not, I find myself doing exactly what C.S. Lewis describes in the below quote. I don't find myself doubting God's sovereignty, but being fearful of what God's sovereignty looks like. In the midst of a period of questioning, this can be a shockingly beautiful, coming of age realization. During a time of questions, it is natural to analyze God's sovereignty, discern God's sovereignty, and define God's sovereignty. Ultimately, we realize that this is not our true fear. This discovery is a profound and fulfilling one.
Today, within the midst of simple moments, I was reaffirmed and allowed the opportunity to see God's sovereignty in a new, organic way. God's sovereignty never changes--our perspective does. After all, he is in fact the ONLY Truth that was, is, and will be. Praise be to God that our feelings don't define, regulate, or confirm truth. Subsequently, I believe He reveals himself and His glory in brilliant, even subtle ways.
In my own fear, in my own fear of God's best not being "my" best--I understood--maybe even just a glimmer of God's sovereignty. It's a very scary thought. God's sovereignty should be scary though--and it's alright. In fact, it's brilliant. To be wise, IS to fear God. "And to man He said, Behold, the fear of the Lord, that is wisdom!" (Job 28:28) With that fear comes wisdom and through wisdom we learn to trust. We. Learn. To. Trust. I needed to reiterate that to myself.
Indeed, worldly fear is inherent and worldly fear is prevalent in each of our lives. Consequently, worldly fear debilitates each of us and deludes us each into thinking we are inadequate and enslaved to the "mess" of today. Godly fear is inherent as well, but Godly fear is essential--essential to peace and undestanding. It seems paradoxical, but like the tension that inherent, worldly fear and inherent, Godly fear creates, there is victory. Victory through submission. This is beautiful.
So what, we're all scared, right? I alleviate my troubles by telling myself," It's alright, Liz. This is just that 'after college, you don't know what you want to do with your life, but you have a secure job, with a secure paycheck so don't make any irrational decisions' transition time." I do this. Typically, I feel better, but only for a short while. Other people may drown their fear in distractions--and sometimes these distractions manifest themselves in the form of addiction, significant others, and even stagnant complacency. I'm one of those "other people" sometimes too. Fascinating how God uses gracious mercy to reveal the most merciless qualities in us, isn't it? You see, I'm always distracting myself. I think society is always distracting itself.
The more I thought about distraction, the more I thought about unfulfilling distractions, which ultimately lead me to thinking about the unfulfilling distractions that make our fear seem obsolete (key word: seem)--distractions that deter us from feeling the fear we are consumed by deep within our hearts, souls, what have you. Again, however, we can only be distracted for a while-until we start feeling "that same way" again. Sadly enough, the process is cyclical. It's an "up, down, up, up, up, down, down, middle ground..." situation that we find ourselves desperately trying to stay afloat in.
In my life, I have many distractions. I realize that I allow these distractions to interject in my life because they prevent me from being scared. They prevent me from being afraid of the unknown, doubt, questions, loneliness, and inadequacy.
Of course, my faith is the underlying context here. More than not, I find myself doing exactly what C.S. Lewis describes in the below quote. I don't find myself doubting God's sovereignty, but being fearful of what God's sovereignty looks like. In the midst of a period of questioning, this can be a shockingly beautiful, coming of age realization. During a time of questions, it is natural to analyze God's sovereignty, discern God's sovereignty, and define God's sovereignty. Ultimately, we realize that this is not our true fear. This discovery is a profound and fulfilling one.
Today, within the midst of simple moments, I was reaffirmed and allowed the opportunity to see God's sovereignty in a new, organic way. God's sovereignty never changes--our perspective does. After all, he is in fact the ONLY Truth that was, is, and will be. Praise be to God that our feelings don't define, regulate, or confirm truth. Subsequently, I believe He reveals himself and His glory in brilliant, even subtle ways.
In my own fear, in my own fear of God's best not being "my" best--I understood--maybe even just a glimmer of God's sovereignty. It's a very scary thought. God's sovereignty should be scary though--and it's alright. In fact, it's brilliant. To be wise, IS to fear God. "And to man He said, Behold, the fear of the Lord, that is wisdom!" (Job 28:28) With that fear comes wisdom and through wisdom we learn to trust. We. Learn. To. Trust. I needed to reiterate that to myself.
Indeed, worldly fear is inherent and worldly fear is prevalent in each of our lives. Consequently, worldly fear debilitates each of us and deludes us each into thinking we are inadequate and enslaved to the "mess" of today. Godly fear is inherent as well, but Godly fear is essential--essential to peace and undestanding. It seems paradoxical, but like the tension that inherent, worldly fear and inherent, Godly fear creates, there is victory. Victory through submission. This is beautiful.
Paralyzed pt. 1
“We're not necessarily doubting that God will do the best for us; we are wondering how painful the best will turn out to be”
-C.S. Lewis
This quote COMPLETELY scares me. I mean--REALLY REALLY--scares me. I'm trying to find peace, understanding, and trust through this, but I still find fear. In fact, it's paralyzing. Alas, this is revealing. God's character is revealing.
-C.S. Lewis
This quote COMPLETELY scares me. I mean--REALLY REALLY--scares me. I'm trying to find peace, understanding, and trust through this, but I still find fear. In fact, it's paralyzing. Alas, this is revealing. God's character is revealing.
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Decisions, Decisions...
Today I'm trying to narrow down my search for a wedding photographer. After typing that sentence, I realize we have yet to even set an EXACT date. We are thinking May 2011 if that makes the uncertainty a little clearer. We haven't set a venue, but we are well on our way to making a decision soon. There are so many gorgeous choices here in Nashville so the search has actually been fun--given we've been able to explore a lot of really beautiful potential spots.
The more I start thinking details and the more I hear about "how important" this day is--I gain an even greater understanding of just how much MORE important, even more than the beautiful flowers, couture decor, and gorgeous gowns, the commitment J and I are making to each other truly is.
(brief second of thought and heavy sigh later)
Wow. That's big. What James and I are embarking on is a journey--a journey I'm expecting to be full of ups, downs, and a lot of love. David Platt describes what the context of any marriage should be in his sermon on "The Gospel and Womanhood." I listened to this last Sunday and gained some powerful insight into how I should be serving as a woman in my future marriage.
I'd also be curious to hear David's thoughts on embracing the Gospel even during times of desperation, loss, and unfulfillment. We all know as individuals we are doomed to these feelings at times.
My apologies for the brief interjection of cynicism--coupled with a side dose of reality.
Nevertheless, Dr. Platt provides a great framework for being a Godly woman in a God-centered commitment. Good stuff.
The more I start thinking details and the more I hear about "how important" this day is--I gain an even greater understanding of just how much MORE important, even more than the beautiful flowers, couture decor, and gorgeous gowns, the commitment J and I are making to each other truly is.
(brief second of thought and heavy sigh later)
Wow. That's big. What James and I are embarking on is a journey--a journey I'm expecting to be full of ups, downs, and a lot of love. David Platt describes what the context of any marriage should be in his sermon on "The Gospel and Womanhood." I listened to this last Sunday and gained some powerful insight into how I should be serving as a woman in my future marriage.
I'd also be curious to hear David's thoughts on embracing the Gospel even during times of desperation, loss, and unfulfillment. We all know as individuals we are doomed to these feelings at times.
My apologies for the brief interjection of cynicism--coupled with a side dose of reality.
Nevertheless, Dr. Platt provides a great framework for being a Godly woman in a God-centered commitment. Good stuff.
Monday, February 8, 2010
Love and Respect
Given my current engaged state, I'm in the beginning stages of reading Love and Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs. I must admit, given ample amounts of skepticism, I've found several passages insightful and informative. I'll keep you updated. In the meantime I'll leave you with a verse Dr. Eggerichs references in the first chapter.
"However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband."
Ephesians 5:33
It seems simple, but the premise of the book is simple too. There is deep context underlying this verse and the book has done a great job so far disecting the great implications of this short, but powerful passage.
Friday, February 5, 2010
Never Enough
“It is better to love God and die unknown than to love the world and be a hero; better to be content with poverty than to die a slave to wealth; better to have taken some risks and lost, than to have done nothing and succeeded at it.” –E Lutzer.
I read this quote at work today from a blog about a missionary family in Haiti. I read this quote, and as the tears swelled up deep within the whites of my eyes, I was convicted. You see, for me, conviction runs deep. Partly, because shamefully, it is rare. My main conviction, paradoxically, is that I let pride get in the way of ever even feeling convicted at times. For me, guilt typically doesn't set in until "after the fact" and until I've had time to reflect, be still, and ultimately realize the consequences and the counteractive implications of my actions. These actions I speak of are not 'stereotypically' what one might consider "that bad." In fact, by a worldy standard, I'm pretty kosher. Unfortunately, for all of us, the world standard is null and void in the context of our sovereign creator. What may not be externally obvious, is not always as internally blatant. My heart is often the most indifferent, conflicted, and worldly induced part of my being. I find myself falling prey to the lures of this world every day. I fall prey to the anticipation of worldly financial success, worldly praise, and realizing the worldly expectations of those around me. This is my deepest conviction and it has been uprooted in the most beautiful and brilliant way today.
The quote above has brought forth a very profound revelation. A revelation about my heart, my mind, and my soul that only Almighty God has the power to reveal. I suppose what this quote most reveals is how lightly I take the word sanctification in God's Holy scripture and the powerful impact this word has on our very essence--our very essence of being. I am humbled by the revelation that I am indeed an amateur in realizing and fully embracing the meaning of being 'sanctified through the offering of the body of Jesus Christ once for all' (Hebrews 10:10). I read this quote and suddenly felt absent to the knowledge of Christ's atonement--and how through this redeeming grace, we are sanctified. Our heart, mind, and soul should be transformed by this love. Nothing is greater than loving our God and loving our neighbor. Nothing should be more obvious than the condition of our heart-fundamentally because the transforming, sanctifying love of God is THAT good. God's love through the atonement of Christ has the ability to change us. Radically.
I am still searching and humbled every day by the deep convictions that God reveals to me--even those that sometimes I intentionally try to hide. I am grateful for those convictions. Yes, I am grateful.
I read this quote at work today from a blog about a missionary family in Haiti. I read this quote, and as the tears swelled up deep within the whites of my eyes, I was convicted. You see, for me, conviction runs deep. Partly, because shamefully, it is rare. My main conviction, paradoxically, is that I let pride get in the way of ever even feeling convicted at times. For me, guilt typically doesn't set in until "after the fact" and until I've had time to reflect, be still, and ultimately realize the consequences and the counteractive implications of my actions. These actions I speak of are not 'stereotypically' what one might consider "that bad." In fact, by a worldy standard, I'm pretty kosher. Unfortunately, for all of us, the world standard is null and void in the context of our sovereign creator. What may not be externally obvious, is not always as internally blatant. My heart is often the most indifferent, conflicted, and worldly induced part of my being. I find myself falling prey to the lures of this world every day. I fall prey to the anticipation of worldly financial success, worldly praise, and realizing the worldly expectations of those around me. This is my deepest conviction and it has been uprooted in the most beautiful and brilliant way today.
The quote above has brought forth a very profound revelation. A revelation about my heart, my mind, and my soul that only Almighty God has the power to reveal. I suppose what this quote most reveals is how lightly I take the word sanctification in God's Holy scripture and the powerful impact this word has on our very essence--our very essence of being. I am humbled by the revelation that I am indeed an amateur in realizing and fully embracing the meaning of being 'sanctified through the offering of the body of Jesus Christ once for all' (Hebrews 10:10). I read this quote and suddenly felt absent to the knowledge of Christ's atonement--and how through this redeeming grace, we are sanctified. Our heart, mind, and soul should be transformed by this love. Nothing is greater than loving our God and loving our neighbor. Nothing should be more obvious than the condition of our heart-fundamentally because the transforming, sanctifying love of God is THAT good. God's love through the atonement of Christ has the ability to change us. Radically.
I am still searching and humbled every day by the deep convictions that God reveals to me--even those that sometimes I intentionally try to hide. I am grateful for those convictions. Yes, I am grateful.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)