Never Enough

“It is better to love God and die unknown than to love the world and be a hero; better to be content with poverty than to die a slave to wealth; better to have taken some risks and lost, than to have done nothing and succeeded at it.” –E Lutzer.

I read this quote at work today from a blog about a missionary family in Haiti. I read this quote, and as the tears swelled up deep within the whites of my eyes, I was convicted. You see, for me, conviction runs deep. Partly, because shamefully, it is rare. My main conviction, paradoxically, is that I let pride get in the way of ever even feeling convicted at times. For me, guilt typically doesn't set in until "after the fact" and until I've had time to reflect, be still, and ultimately realize the consequences and the counteractive implications of my actions. These actions I speak of are not 'stereotypically' what one might consider "that bad." In fact, by a worldy standard, I'm pretty kosher. Unfortunately, for all of us, the world standard is null and void in the context of our sovereign creator. What may not be externally obvious, is not always as internally blatant. My heart is often the most indifferent, conflicted, and worldly induced part of my being. I find myself falling prey to the lures of this world every day. I fall prey to the anticipation of worldly financial success, worldly praise, and realizing the worldly expectations of those around me. This is my deepest conviction and it has been uprooted in the most beautiful and brilliant way today.

The quote above has brought forth a very profound revelation. A revelation about my heart, my mind, and my soul that only Almighty God has the power to reveal. I suppose what this quote most reveals is how lightly I take the word sanctification in God's Holy scripture and the powerful impact this word has on our very essence--our very essence of being. I am humbled by the revelation that I am indeed an amateur in realizing and fully embracing the meaning of being 'sanctified through the offering of the body of Jesus Christ once for all' (Hebrews 10:10). I read this quote and suddenly felt absent to the knowledge of Christ's atonement--and how through this redeeming grace, we are sanctified. Our heart, mind, and soul should be transformed by this love. Nothing is greater than loving our God and loving our neighbor. Nothing should be more obvious than the condition of our heart-fundamentally because the transforming, sanctifying love of God is THAT good. God's love through the atonement of Christ has the ability to change us. Radically.

I am still searching and humbled every day by the deep convictions that God reveals to me--even those that sometimes I intentionally try to hide. I am grateful for those convictions. Yes, I am grateful.